


Humans Dont Have Quadrants, Right?

by catnip_wentworth



Series: No One Is Alright And I Guess We Can Work With That [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aromantic Character, Black Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Quadrant Vacillation, Red Romance, Too many pairings, also sort of Sollux and Roxy, appologys for bad spelling here, dirk is both the best and worst friend simlutaniously, haterails, humans fuck up quadrants, polyamorous character(s), the haterails are Aradia and Terezi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3815236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catnip_wentworth/pseuds/catnip_wentworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk finds some hard drives with some of his and Roxy's favorite cartoons</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Adventure Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a really long time  
> Edit 10/8/15 : I forgot to say this is quite a few months after the previous story, and yes I will go back and explain what happened but right now Dirk/Roxy pale shenanigans are what I have inspiration for.

 Dirk doesn't usually start his day by drinking a full pot of coffee, but when it comes to cleaning out mysterious crawl spaces, it was the only thing he could think to do. So after rolling off his bed, actually an overstuffed recliner haphazardly stuffed into his room, into a pile of orange soda bottles, wires and other odd objects he started his day just that way.  
  
The seemingly mysterious crawl space was actually a pretty normal one, the contents of it is what made it mysterious, being that it was all the stuff from his apartment in his and Roxy's post apocalyptic earth. So in the infinite wisdom of late teenage boys he decided that now would be a wonderful time to clean out his newest dwelling and sort the shit from the old into the new one. By twelve thirty he had six bags of trash, fourteen bins of various mechanical items, a triple sinkful of dishes, and multiple hard drives full of what he hoped was only cartoons and ironic porn.  
***  
  
It turns out that it not just those two things, but a whole treasure trove of memorabilia from before the game, old video logs of him and the others, both one on one chats and some of the more memorable group chats, videos of rap battles between him and squarewave and sawtooth, saved images of the crappy "porn" he drew for Caliborn and some other vaguely embarrassing things, but above all else the copies of all his and Roxy's cartoons were there. So he was going to clean up this damn house and invite his very best friend/ectosister/possible moirail over for a cartoon binge/feelings jam.  
***  
  
Of course saying you're going to clean a whole house by yourself in less than a day when you've been completely ignoring cleaning for months is entirely different than actually doing it. So dirk takes what's left of the day plus two more days to clean just the parts of his home that Roxy might see.  
TT: hey ro-lal  
TG: sup di-stri  
TG: howz it goin being a hermit  
TG: nobodys seen ya around for a whale  
TG:*while  
TT: chill ive just been cleaning and shit  
TT: i havent died or fallen and can't get up  
TT: my house was just the world's biggest junk heap  
TT: huge ass house full of all my shit just thrown everywhere i also found a crawl space  
TG: omg beef dirky you're capable of cleaning  
TG: what was in this myateriuous crawl space  
TG: *mysterious  
TT: just all of my shit from my apartment in the game  
TG: EVERYTHING?!  
TT: everything all of it even the bots, they're non functioning right now but with a few days and the right materials i think i can get then back up  
TT: i also found the hard drives with cartoons on them, which is why i messaged you  
TG: dirk do you really want me over?  
TG: you havent talked to anyone in weeks and hvent been out of your house in months  
TG: do you even have food?  
TG: im honestly super worried aboat you  
TG:*about  
TT: i didnt mean to i just sort of forgot?  
TT: and everythings been kind of awful  
TG: awful how  
TT: you know, the typical sort of awful that makes me shut down and not get out of bed for days on end  
TT: but i cleaned the house and showered this week and i wanted to invite you over to watch adventure time with me and maybe help me go out and get groceries  
TT: because you're right i only have like three cans of baked beans left  
TG: I'll be over in fifteen.  
TT: thanks  
***  
  
In fifteen minutes Roxy is over and in twenty dirk is wearing pants and a clean shirt and in Roxy's car heading towards the Safeway and at twenty five Roxy was trying to convince Dirk that yes healthy fresh non canned food does help you feel better, and no she isn't lying to him and yes she'll pay for the expensive ass food and sure she'll hide him if they see anyone they know.  
  
"Hey, hows the whole sobriety thing going?" He says hoping that if just asks her questions she won't ask him any.She looks at him from the corner of her eye and answers.   
  
"It's going pretty good, I mean I'm not aiming for complete sobriety, just not drinkin myself to sleep every night, Nepeta and Feferi are bein really helpful and ya know bein in a universe where there's actually doctors and shit is a plus." At least two of all the organic fruits and vegetables get tossed into the cart, plus a bunch of different mushrooms and a lot of salad greens. Dirk wonders what she's planning on making him eat.   
  
"Huh yeah our big ol consolation prize, all full of humans and trolls and shit." He side eyes a couple of trolls that look suspiciously like the clown guy and the cat girl.  
  
"Perhaps I can get ya set up with an appointment? Maybe you could get somethin to help with the bad times?" She notices his gaze and waves at Meulin and Kurloz, they wave back.Dirk makes a startled noise.  
  
"Maybe." He reluctantly answers. Dirk moves to walk on the opposite side of Roxy then the two trolls. They shop in silence for awhile. Roxy worrying over Dirk's mental and physical health, nothing looks outwardly wrong, but if he's really been living off of canned food for the last three months then its rather likely something is. Dirk just trying to keep the conversation as non-painful as possible and avoid all the familiar faces.  
  
"How's yours and Cronus's relationship going?" He reaches to grab a case of orange fanta, Roxy gives him a stern look.  
  
"We're taking a break, he's havin a rough patch himself and is afraid of hurting me with one of his attacks, so I'm seeing other people while he's off with Meenah and Porrim getting all pale pampered. I hope he gets better, honestly I don't really see us gettin back together afterwards though." She picks out the best looking salmon fillets from the case. Dirk makes a face.  
  
"Oh that sort of sucks you two were sort of sickeningly cute together, who are you seeing right now?" Dirk grabs a couple boxes of fish fry breading. Roxy puts the boxes back.  
  
"Well quite a few people actually fef and nep and me are doin a poly red sort of thing and me and Sollux are sorta black.there were some nights with eridan a few with Jane and well there's been quite a bit of hanky panky happenin" She looks at him and blushes, then quickly flicks her eyes to the cereal boxes and grabs a fruity pebbles box.  
  
"Roxy you don't have to tell me all of it, I mean I don't shame you for anything you do not even on the really bad nights." He puts his hand on her shoulder and rubs circles while they walk up to the check out with a very very full shopping cart. Roxy stops behind an elderly lady who has three bananas and a half gallon of milk and leans her head on his shoulder.  
  
"What's your opinion on our relationship?" Dirk freezes and thinks he might be on the verge of a panic attack right here in safeway.  
  
"You're a really great girl Lalonde but I don't think I love you like that." He might be shaking.  
  
"How do you think I meant?" Her voice gets sort of quiet and maybe a little hurt.  
  
"Let's get naked and put our parts together?" He notices the change and hopes that she'll be okay.  
  
"Nope, I know you're not super into females" She laughs quietly after saying this.   
  
"Oh then how?" He sighs so loud he thinks all of paradox space may have just heard him.  
  
"Tell me all of your problems and I'll pap you until you fall asleep" she moves her head from his shoulder and looks at him.  
  
"Oh shit really?" He is dreaming there's no way that this is happening in the middle of a safeway.  
  
"Yep, I was planning on being more romantic like in one of Karkat's movies but you're just such a mess I couldn't help myself" she winks at him and steps to begin putting his groceries on the conveyor belt.  
  
"Oh"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think okay please? This was also painstakingly typed on my phone so please forgive me for any massive errors


	2. HeMan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tadah I've done stuff, lots of stuff. so many chapters for you. also if any of you know how to make the text color thing work itd be really cool of you to explain it to me, use small words I know next to nothing about computers.

CC:roxy don't you dare.

AC: :33< doooooooooo iiiiiiiiittt

TG:water you talkin aboat dear?

CC: DONT YOU PLAY CUT----E WIT) ( M------E

TG: no seariuosly what am I on the verge of fuckin up?

AC: :33< nothing!!!

TG: uh

CC: YOU HAV---E A MORAY---E---EL AND DIDNT ---EV----EN T----ELL US!

AC: :33< well it’s not that that we’re flipping out about,

TT: okay so what exactly about this situation is a problem?

CC: you haven't done the ceremony!

TT: there’s a ceremonie?

AC::33< YES

CC: Y-----------------------ES!

TT: oh shit, karkitty’s probubbly havenin an aneurism rn

AC: :33< brb going to check!

….

AC: :33< he totally is

AC: :33< he’s so furry cute like this

CC: nepeta

AC: :33< yes?

CC: invite him I wanna sea his reaction 38D

TT: nepeta no

AC: :33< nepeta yes!

 

CG has now joined memo ROXY ) (OW COD YOU!!! !

 

CG: ROXY YOU WERE *REALLY* GOING TO DO THIS TO ME

CG: I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

CG: THIS WOUNDS ME DEEPLY

TT: dave give karkat back is phone

CG:fiiiiiine

CG: THANK FUCK FOR YOU ROXY BUT REALLY YOU WERE GOING TO ENTER INTO A MORIALGNCE WITH THE LESS ANNOYING STRIDER WITHOUT EVEN PROPERLY ROMANCING HIM FIRST???

CG: HOW COULD YOU THESE THINGS TAKE TIME AND EFFORT AND CANDY!

TT: dude I’ve been tryin to get into his diamond since we were like 6

AC: :33<  its true Ive s33n the logs

AC: :33< she’s tried so hard!

TT: I have

CG: TELL ME *ONE* ROMANTIC THING YOU’VE DONE FOR HIM

TT: I go grocery shopping for him?

CG: HOLY FUCK LALONDE MUST YOU SKIP SO MANY BASES

TT: I skipped bases?

CC: yeah kinda

TT: oops

CG: OOPS?

CG: FUCKING OOPS IS ALL YOU CAN SAY

CG: WHY ARE YOU SO DENSE

CG: THIS IS WELL INTO A RELATIONSHIP ACTION

CG: I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE SPEECHLESS

AC: :33< you sp33chless?

CG: NO BUT I AM ASTOUNDED

TT: lul

CG: IM DONE HERE NEPETA IM ENTRUSTING YOU WITH EXPLAINING TO ROXY *EXACTLY* WHAT SHES SKIPPED

CG: ALSO I WANT TO PERFORM YOUR HANDFASTING

CG: I LIKE YOU THAT MUCH LALONDE

CG: THAT AND STRIDER NEEDS YOU

AC: :33< are you saying you ship them karkitty?

 

CG has BANNED himself from MEMO ROXY ) (OW COD YOU!!! !

 

CC: ) (A!

TT: karkat ships dirky and I that's the cuset shiiiit

AC: :33< it is

CC: I’m so saury gills but meenah needs me for something

AC: :33< uh-oh

CC: nah I dont fin itll be that bad, shes chilled out alot

TT: see ya l8r babe!

AC: :33< *ac smooches the beautiful heiress good bye*

CC: <3

TT: <3

AC: <3

 

CC has left the memo!

 

TT: so neppy what exactly did I do wrong?

AC: :33< you didn't they’re all just being over dramatic

TT: also what is a handfasting and why does karkles wanna do it for me?

AC: :33< oh it’s like a marriage, but cooler

AC: :33< and karkitty wants to do it beclaws he thinks that you could be a pale porn star and wants to stop that befur it happens

AC: :33< he might actually implode if that happened      

AC: :33<and so now he probably wants you to do his and dave’s handfasting in return

AC: :33< and yeah that is the highest form of respect karkat can give to you

TT: Neppy I’m crying oh em gee KK needs all the hugs

AC: :33< yeah he’s a big squishy nerd who hides behind his voice and way to many fucks

TT: so how do I go aboat this whole handfasting thing?

AC: :33< well

  


***

  


    “roxy the fuck are you doing?”

 

    “uh planning my handfasting”

 

    “your what?”

 

    “handfasting”

 

    “okay hot mom what the fuck does that mean”

 

    “I’m troll pale marrying your brother”

 

    “YOU ARE PLANNING WITHOUT ME” karkat bursts into Jade’s kitchen where Roxy and Dave were covered in paper and fabric and pictures of dresses and flowers.

 

    “ not intentionally, I just popped over to get your opinion, and davey just like flash stepped in and started riflin thru my papers. look at him, makin a mess and shiiiit. those had been neat dave. they had been neat”

 

    “dave, please leave I would like to talk to roxy”

 

    “oh shit” and with that dave is gone.

 

    “so karkles do ya wanna make it a double?” roxy waggles her eyebrows at karkat.

 

    “that is crap I don't even know if that is romantic or disrespectful”

 

    “oops”

   

    “no no it's good-” he takes this huge breath and pours himself some coffee- “ I have this my chest will not burst from all these feel as if I was a leijon” another deep breath and a cup of sugar into his coffee, he sits shuffling some paper to the side. he picks up one of the flower arrangement pictures and scoffs.

 

    “okay so a handfasting is not a marriage, it's more … relaxed? yeah I think thats right, especially with a moirallegiance so these super fancy flowers and dresses are all wrong, traditionally the outfits would resemble nightgown like outfits, highbloods were the only ones who really kept to this tradition, so most handfastings that happened for a few decades before everything blew up were performed in pjs. I thought that you at least would look really good in the traditional attire-” he pauses and takes a drink of his coffee and pops out his tablet “-so I was thinking something like this for you, Kanaya and porrim have agreed to make them, and this for dirk” he turns his tablet towards roxy and shows her a dress that is somewhere between a babydoll and a ballgown, a knee length highlighter pink chiffon and silk thing with sunset orange lace. then he slides to the next image and it shows an orange, the same shade from her dress, pair of silk pajama pants and a sheer tank top in her color. it would look ridiculous.

 

    “karkitty, dear I don’t know if beefy dirky would wear that.”

 

    “and that is why back up outfits were designed for both of you” the next two slides show the same style of outfits but in much paler colors, the dress in a sherbet orange and the suit in baby pink.

 

    “I think Dirks shirt need to not be sheer.”

 

    “come on it’s traditional!”

 

    “will yours and dave's shirts be sea-thru?”

 

    “mine will be it shows vulnerability and undying devotion to your partner”

 

    “which both of our bouys have issues with bro.”

 

    “I know but there will be jackets!!”

 

    “okay so one more thing, yours a daves colors are the same”

 

    “yeah I know”

 

    “so are you both gonna wear red or?”

 

    “I’m not sure, kan might have dave wear gray.”

 

    “I think ivory might be good for both of you”

 

    “why ivory”

 

    “its different, it will make you two stand out”

    “hmm good point” karkat scribbles on his tablet.

 

    “so next order of business is flowers, so Jade and aradia will be in charge of this and they need to know ‘like yesterday’ so I was thinking-

 

    “Roxy mary-anne Lalonde”

   

    “Dirk susan Strider”

 

    “how could you”

 

    “wut”

   

    “planning this thing without me, it sorta concerns me, you know a lot.”

 

    “it was supawsed to be all romantic and surprisy”

 

    “well I want to what crazy thing you broads and karkat are gonna put me in”

 

    “this is your outfit” karkat interrupts by showing dirk the pink and orange pjs.

 

    “ew, that isn't even ironic dude.”

 

    “ and here is the backup, and there will be a jacket in your color to go over”

 

    “okay that one's not so bad, what's the babe gonna wear?”

 

    “this” the pale orange dress now with a bright pink shawl.

 

    “oh damn designed by the Maryams I presume”

 

    “I don't think we could trust anyone else with this project”

 

    dirk pour a cup of coffee and plops down next to roxy, he leans on her shoulder. it's a comical thing with dirk being an entire foot taller the roxy and karkat has to try really hard not laugh. Dirk raises an eyebrow and karkat snorts.

 

    “where is daveee”

 

    “snoggin with jade.”

 

    “those assholes, “ Karkat gets up and storms off. “ WE WILL CONTINUE THIS” it's sort of muffled by the amount of house between where he is now and where roxy is.

    “well that was fun”

 

    “he's so cute”

 

    “please don't leave mee” he clings to her dramatically.

 

    “why I never” Roxy puts a hand to her heart like an offended southern belle.

 

    Dirk snorts and buries his face in her chest, “this is dumb, oh my god roxy why, you vile rogue.”

 

    “you know you wanna” she waggles her eyebrows even though he’s still not looking.

 

    “noooooooooooooooooo” he’s whining and she thinks it's time to go when she hears a thump from the observatories direction and then Jades loud mirthful laughter.

 

    “d-stri it's go time”

 

    “you sure you don't wanna go see that?”

 

    “nope they all hot but I don't wanna sea that”

  
    “aight”


	3. My Little Pony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More! I am on a roll today. this chapter happen about a month after chapter two

“Dirk Why Is There Metal On Your Chest” Kanaya asked as dirk stepped out from behind the modesty screen.

 

“Have you not ever seen nip piercings?”

 

“Well,” Kanaya blushes and roxy, rose and porrim giggle, dave gives dirk a thumbs up and karkat slams his face into his lap.

 

“So+ girls and bo+ys what do+ yo+u think, remember be harsh. This is an exceptio+nally impo+rtant o+ccasio+n." Porrim walks up to dirk and tugs the strap of his shirt off his houlder, purses her lips and puts it back.     

 

“If you want the disheveled and vulnerable look make the shirt a size larger, and the jacket two sizes larger, or large enough that when it’s put on Roxy that it goes lower then her dress.” Rose says as she scribbles in her notebook.

 

“no don’t do anything with the shirt” karkat is fidgeting and dave grabs his hand.

 

“dude we’d look hella sweet in way over sized shirts and jackets”

 

“no, I understand we are doing this double but please for the love of all that is good in this world I actually want to wear a properly sized shirt for once in my life I am literally killing myself to be as buff as possible for this dumb event and if anyone makes me cover up I will rend this planet with the sheer force of my ire!”

 

“Karkat duuuude breathe and uh remember that your shirt is going to be sheer, so everyone is totally see your buffness and be scared shitless of fuckin with davey” roxy plops her hand on top of his head and ruffle his hair.

 

“I oh fuck I forgot we were using cheep fabric for mock-ups” karkat now slams his face into daves chest.

 

“We Should Have Used a Sheer. Im Sorry Karkat.”

 

“Dirk what do+ yo+u think, this is currently yo+ur o+utfit.”

 

“I feel really exposed and really want to go put my own clothes on?”

 

“Ah is there anything I can change to+ make yo+u mo+re co+mferatble?”

 

“the arm holes drop to low, the neckline drops to low, hilariously enough I’m okay with the whole falling off the shoulder thing, and what do you mean when it goes on Roxy?”

 

“Before Your Hands Are Tied Together You Swap Outer Layers.” kanaya states as she scrawls down the needed changes.

 

“why”

 

“to show your solidarity, same reason you’re wearing each other's colors”     

 

“O+h I have a wo+nderful idea, what if we put them co+mpletely in their o+wn co+lo+r”

 

“because that not how it fucking is Maryam”

 

“and why is that? you and dave aren’t being very tradtional,” Rose snaps.

 

“IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE IF DAVE AND I DID IT TRADTIONAL BECAUSE WE HAVE THE SAME COLOR”

 

“oooooh I have an idea for youuuu” jade has landed along with Aradia and Jane so now all of the planners were present in the Maryam design studio.

 

“and what could that be?”

 

“slate pants for both of you, red shirt with ivory jacket for you and ivory shirt red jacket for dave, we would also like slightly different shades of red.” Jade sits on dave and karkat's feet, Jane sits next to Roxy and Aradia sits cross legged mind air.

 

“That's actually a very go+o+d idea Jade, co+nsidering the Blo+o+d and Time palettes are slightly different, perhaps yo+ur o+utfits co+uld reflect yo+ur aspects instead o+f yo+ur perso+nal co+lo+rs.”

 

“I … wow actually that's not that bad. thank you for showing up right on time Jade”

 

“your welcome” she presses a kiss into his palm.

 

“but won't that ruin the coherent party motif that we are goin for?”

 

“we co+uld do+ all yo+ur o+utfits in yo+ur aspect co+lo+rs”

 

“wha da ya fink dirky”

 

“eh its chill”

 

“dirk”

 

“no not really”

 

“okay thank you”

 

“so+ yo+u and Ro+xy will wear perso+nal co+lo+rs and Karkat and Dave will wear aspect co+lo+rs”

 

“What about the flowers?”

 

“Jade babe like idek but maybe carnations or daisies or tulips, would roses be too much?”

 

“yes roses would be too much roses are for matespritship fastings.” Aradia flicks her wings and continued “daisies dyed in each person's color is most appropriate”

 

“so are flower crown a thing I can wear?”

 

“duh” Aradia give roxy a silly look 

 

“Alright so+ do+ the rest o+f yo+u bo+ys want to+ try o+n yo+urs no+w o+r co+me back fo+r perso+nal fittings?”

 

“personal fittings” dave and karkat say simultaneously.

 

“Ro+xy darling wo+uld yo+u like to try o+n yo+urs no+w?”

 

“aw yis” a few minutes later roxy come out from behind the screen in the pink dress, an orange flower crown and black cat tights. 

 

“alright alright alright wha do ya think?”

 

“astounding” dirk says from his spot at kanaya's left

 

“Roxy you fucked it up”

 

“Karkat that's rude” Jade slaps his thigh

 

“Karkat How Could She Have. This Is A Very Personal Day She Can Add What Accessories She Wishes”

 

“I think he means that she has ruined the co+lo+r scheme, Ro+xy wo+uld yo+u be o+ppo+ssed to wearing white tights?”

 

“nah I just had these ones on me ya know so I was seaing if itd be worth it to wear the dumb things”

 

“it is traditional for one to wear a token of thier lusus and wouldn't your ‘lusus’ be your cats?” aradia smiles.

 

“uh I guess they didnt take care of me or nothin just company.”

 

“for some trolls that all a lusus needed to be”

 

“so what are we all supposed to wear lusus tokens now?” karkat sighed, he was getting very tired of all these last minute wardrobe changes.

 

“dude we could make you a badass crab gauntlet or some shit and I could have one with a crow, fuck man I need it. karkat fulfil my fantasies”

 

“and what would my badass gauntlet be?”

 

“a robot”

 

“not funny roxy, it appears that lusus are always animals, wait, fuck”

 

“ponies?” roxy queries both sarcastically and knowingly.

 

“ponies” dirk nods solemnly. dave laughs so hard he cries.

 

“jesus dick you and equius WOULD be perfect for each other”

 

“they would be but what quadrant?” Aradia is beaming and the smile reaches her eyes this time.

 

“black” every troll in the room states, then laughs

 

“don't any of you tell leijon”

 

“doing iiiit!” roxy pops out her phone and call her girlfriend.

 

“babe we gotta set up our moirails”

 

“I KNO RITE?”

 

“of course”

 

“kay I’m still in my fitting but i'll chat later”

“smooooch”

 

“haaaa guys I win at this”dirk facepalms as roxy puts her phone away.

 

“thaaanks soooo much, I totally need a sweaty horse douche to mack on”

 

“he’s actually a pretty good kisser” Aradia smugly says

 

“I don't think anyone else needed to know that” karkat makes gagging noises.

 

“I think we did”

 

“can we get to my part yet?”

 

“of course janey”

 

“so what would everyone like for cake?” Jane pops out a tablet and writes dirk and roxy's name across the top of the page “dirk and roxy go first please”

 

“lemon” roxy's vote is cast and noted, of course jane knew no other flavor would have been requested by her.

 

“strawberry” dirks answer came as a surprise, he never chooses the same flavor

 

“so is layer of each or strawberry lemonade better?”

 

“strawberry lemonade sounds great”

 

“I’m doing the decorating as a surprise okay? for both couples”

 

“no problem dear just make it good”

 

“of course it will be callie is helping with it”

 

“oooh neat” roxy jumps excitedly

 

“so boys what flavor would you like?”

 

“cherry?”

 

“dave please don't can't we have like chocolate or something?”

 

“I could do chocolate cake with cherry preserves between each layer if you’d like”

“that sounds acceptable”

 

“wait karkat bro bro red velvet with chocolate sauce”

 

“I.. yes that so terezi can't make any jokes”

 

“you know she will no matter what we have, the outside of the cake is going to be red”

 

“ugh okay”

 

“itll be okay”

 

“yeah we’ll be on huge piles after the words are said”

 

“which one do you want boys?” Jane taps her stylus on her tablet.

 

“both of those will be okay jane, you choose whichever one you would like to make, also thank you”

 

“you are very welcome karkat, the red velvet chocolate sounds good, are you sure you are alright with that?”

 

“yes jane”

 

“okay so what would you like as the food?”

 

“Actually Jane Dear I Think This Should Be A Surprise For Them Since We Are Doing A Tradtional Style Handfasting, If You Need Help With Dave And Karkat's Dishes Rose And I Are Availble For Help.”

 

“of course none of dave's favorite foods are event worthy, the fact that he isnt 300 pounds is the mystery of the sweep” Rose has pulled out a knitting project of some sort.

 

“oh okay would you like to come over to my house tomorrow night to discuss menus?”

 

“Sounds Lovely” 

 

“I’m very so+rry to+o+ say this but Meenah has just texted me to+ ask fo+r my assistance with so+mething, shes being o+o+dly mysterio+us so+ I’m no+t sure if it is an emergency o+r no+t. If yo+u need me please do+ no+t hesitate to+ call”

 

“Porrim What Would You Like Me To Do With The Outfits”

 

“Do+nt wo+rry just leave them o+ut we’ll co+me back to+ them so+o+n.” Porrim leaves the room with the whoosh of her skirts.

 

“Aradia let's get started on those flowers?”

 

“sure” the two godtier girls pop out of the room aided by jade's space powers.

 

“since it seems this meetings over I have some test baking to get to, if you change your mind call me immediately”

 

“Jane When Would You Like Us At Your Abode?”

 

“In time for lunch or tea whichever” jane smiles broadly showing off her buck teeth then exits.

 

“see you then” rose calls after her

 

“so I may or may not have a hot date and I need to leave” roxy rambles while stepping behind the privacy screen.

 

“is it sollux?”

 

“nooo” she mumbled guiltily.

  
“don't break him okay”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this is where I shall sit upon my hands, not really because I need to type up that hot date, but you know figuratively. also I just noticed my formatting is all over, and I dont really mind at this point but it will totally bug the shit out of me in a bit. so have fun.
> 
> Edit 10/9: go read Like We Need Each Other before reading chapters 4&5 of this.


	4. Invader Zim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter (and the next one) wont make sense if you havent read Like We Need Each Other have fun.

TT: roxy why are jade and porrim in my house picking up random shit

TG: ceremonial pile

TT: and why must they take everything

TG: a symbol of or lives coming together

TT: roxy, this is weird 

TG: yep rose and kanaya are also ransacking my things

TT: the handfastings not for another week

TG: yep

TT: I need towels woman

TG: shh dude they'll leave you enough stuff 

TT: argh im going to shower now

TG: hey no im liek talkin 2 u

TT: roxy please

TG: shhh but no I think you should ask dave his opinion on this

TG: he is so whiney 

TG: its cute af

TT: dont you leave me for a knock off

TT: wait 

TG: yes?

TT: they are doing this to karkat and dave as well

TG: yep

TT: ha okay I feel a bit better

TG: according to KN dave has way too many weapons

TG: so does Karkat 

TG:thier pile is going to be mostly metal

TG: gonna gift those bouys so many blankets

TT: oh shit

TT: wait where are the gifts going?

TG: well some will go into the pile

TG: while more personal ones will be handed right to us

TT: hmmm

TG: what

TT: I need that shower now 

TG: fiiiiiiiiine go take your shower

TT:<>

TT: dork

TG:<>

TG: nerd

 

TT is now an idle chum!

 

roxy flops back onto her bed, this whole thing is silly so silly. she scared sollux with it and now dirk seems nervous and shes nervous and why couldn't they just not. Karkat is a busy body, a busy body with a super cute booty. Roxy facepalms and groans, Kanaya walks in and promptly right back out, she sends rose in.

 

“Roxy, dear what it is?” rose sits next to Roxy and puts her hand soothingly on her elbow.

 

“this is dumb” roxy flops her arms onto her bed.

 

“the handfasting?”

 

“yeah”

 

“why?”

 

“I made sollux cry, Dirk is nervous as fuck because there are other people in his house, and now I’m nervous because my bouys-boys- are nervous and arghhh” Roxy rolls onto her stomach to hide her face in her comforter, roses hand is temporarily displaced then put onto roxy's shoulder.

 

“Sollux and Dirk are big boys and can deal, Sollux and you share a different quadrant than you and dirk and dirk should be able to handle an hour of people in his house.”

 

“Sollux won't talk to his moirails ‘ii dont want two worry them RX ii have thii2 under control, you gotta tru2t me.’ bluh he does not he would not of - shit”

 

“roxy?”

 

“I didnt tell dirk about what happened with sollux, urgh”

 

“what happened?”

 

“he had I guess a panic attack and like really ripped me up.”she rolls back over and makes a weird face at rose “he patched me back up after but it was really surprising how much his control was lost when he was like that.”

 

“do I have to go kick nerd ass?”

 

“nah I think that'd be the opposite of helpful”

 

“Im telling dirk if you dont”

 

“nooooooo dont do bossy older sister that's no fuuuunn”

 

“oh but its the most fun” Rose breaks composure and tickles roxy.

 

“no wait you bitch aaah” roxy kicks and laughs rose is so rude.

 

“Roxy What Is- Oh Rose What?” Kanaya walks into the room with a box full of kitties

 

“my sister need a pick me up” Roses face is that of a child caught skinny dipping, gloriously happy yet a small part embarassed. she continues to tickle roxy as she looks at kanaya

 

“no kamaya Rose is mean and evil and won't stop oh my god rose please I’m gonna pee if you dont stop stop rooooooosseee” roxy tries to curl up defensively. it doesn't work.

 

“You Two Are So Strange” Kanaya puts the kitties down and starts laughing, one squeak from roxy made her snort laugh and she quickly covers her mouth “My Goodness What Was That.”

 

“rosie kanaya snort and shes blushin ur gf is so cute omg, like kittens” roxy says trying to dislodge her ectosister.

 

“I know roxy, informing me of how cute my gf is is not an effective tactic.” Rose does stop though.

 

“I Think We Have Enough For The Pile Rose” kanaya is now on roxy’s side, she knows what the receiving end of rose tickles are like.

 

“traitor” rose gasps mock offended.

 

“lul” roxy sits up holding her sides, they hurt from laughing way to hard for way too long.

 

“you do need to tell dirk, and I think you should tell at least Aradia, and it would be best if you told Terezi as well.” rose stands, straightens her hair, and ruffles roxys.

 

“yeah yeah I’ll tell them, thanks for the chat btws.”

 

“no problem sister dearest”

 

“I Thought You Weren’t Actually Sisters”

 

“no but it is fun to act like it” rose says as she picks up the box of cats.

 

“See You tomorrow For A Fitting Roxy”

 

“see ya KN”

 

“its cute you use your quadrant mates nicknames for people.” rose snickers, and roxy sticks her tongue out at her.

“It Is Though, The Fish And Cat Puns Are Fun.”

 

“Dont encourage her Kanaya”

 

“bye guys”

 

“Bye”

 

Roxy flops back onto her bed, she really doesn't want to tell Terezi about sollux's break down, she tells aradia first, she is normally really chill. roxy searches around for her phone can't find it and gives up grabbing her laptop.

 

TG: Ara

TG: I gots some beeans I really need ta spill

AA: sh0uldnt you tell dirk these beans? -u0

TG: yeah, but I need to tell em to you first

AA: 0h n0 what did s0llux d0

TG: uh well

TG: sort of 

TG: like uh had a panic attack last night when we were tryin ta ya kno

TG: and he really tore me up?

TG: its okay he fixed me up as soon as we realized how bad it was

TG: but he was like really afraid of me leaving him

TG: and yeah so I recited some really old poetry at him

AA: 0h shit

AA: why didnt y0u call me right away!

TG: I dint think it was a big deal, like he messed up but then he fixed it and I’m okay and he’s okay, I think 

AA: R0xy who else have you told

TG: just rose

AA: 0kay g00d you need to tell Dirk I’ll tell Terezi 

TG: okay thank you

AA: if he is m0re messed up then y0u are letting on I will 

AA: 0h whatever I trust y0u 

AA: I’m s0rry y0u had t0 see him like that

AA: I am usally m0re vigialant t0 his m00ds

TG: its really okay hun, like I’m even mostly healed up too

AA: S0llux must have used the psionic burn salve 0n y0u

AA: stupid b0y

TG: uh?

AA: n0thing its just really hard t0 get that salve here 

AA: he must have felt really bad ab0ut hurting y0u

TG: can I help you get it?

AA: n0t really 

TG: ive gotten pretty good at exploiting the void

AA: I kn0w but its easier t0 hand make the salve then anything

AA: it just a quick time p0p t0 grab the plant

TG: cool :33 

TG: update me on bee boy when you have more deets?

AA: 0f c0urse

TG: you are a super cool time babe

AA: aw thanks 0u0

AA: g0nna g0 check 0n 0ur trainwreck n0w

TG: kay

 

AA is now an idle troll!

 

Roxy sighs out in relief, that was a lot less painful than it could have been Aradia is a scary girl sometimes. TIme to tell dirk, she really doesnt want to, so she procrastinates. coffee and luandry, breakfast, a shower, dishes, vacuming. she does all of this in barely an hour well its been about two since dirk said he was showering. he might be done.

 

TG: dirk 

TG: beef dirky

TG: di-stri

TG: heyyeyeyeyey

TT: yep

TT: sup

TG: I uh gotta tell you a thing

TT: what kind of thing 

TG: the kind of thing that might get some nerd beat up

TT: what did he do

TG: he had a panic attack and clawed me up pretty bad

TT: I am going to kill him

TG: dont its my fault

TT: how

TG: I’m handfasting you and he was afraid I was going to leave him, because hes an insecure nerd bee and needs constant validation that his gurl won't leave him and like I said some poetry 

TG: and he gave me this face like I was an elder god and he was my loyal subject and then he fixed up what he fucked up

TG: and then we cuddled and I was apparently very annoying.

TT: okay so I won't kill him

TT: just some minor intimidation

TT:  a challenge for your hand

TG: that's actually part of the ceremony

TT: what?

TG: yeah you challenge my quads I challenge yours

TG:a pale handfasting is also a time for potential suitors to like

TG: declare thier intentions and shet

TT: oh hell

TT: Im going to have to fight both Feferi and Nepeta

TG: yeahh, and since they wanna double fill 

TG: you uh gotta fight em both at the same time

TT: roxy

TT: roxy why

TT: how could you

TG: hey shut it I gotta fight EQ

TT: ha okay

TT: wait

TT: he really

TG: yep he does

TT: fuck anyone else I should know about?

TG: the other Zahhak

TG:yeah I think that's all

TT: why does horrus want in on this?

TG: hes lonely

Tg: ur cute and have the same interests

TG: he cute 2 ya know I might nab that

TT: he is he has a really strong jaw both of them

TG: sea you want them

TT: does that mean I might have to fight him?

TG:nah we'll see how it goes between you two

TT: cool

TG: <> gotta clean some shit

TT: you mean wait for Aradia to tell you if the yellow hacker is okay?

TG: how'd you know it was aa 

TT: didnt you just told me

TT: also Terezi is a menace

TG: yeah

TT<> you go ‘clean’

TG: ;p <>

 

TG is now an idle chum!

 

bluh aradia hurry uppp

  
ping ping ping


	5. SheRa

AA: y0u damn well better mean it

GC: TH4T W4S 4 VOW

TG: shit I’m sorry I thought it was a nice piece of poetry and kk said

GC: W3 DONT L1ST3N TO K4RK4T 3V3RYT1ME H3 S4YS SOM3TH1NG FOR 4 R34SON

AA: y0u asked s0llux f0r a handfasting with that verse

AA: karkat must n0t have t0ld y0u the wh0le thing 0r y0u w0uld have kn0wn that

GC:SH3 D1DNT H4V3 TO S4Y 1T TO H1M THOUGH

AA: actually fr0m the st0ry Ive g0t fr0m b0th 0f them it seems that it was imp0rtant f0r her t0 have said that

AA: it was what calmed him d0wn

GC: FUCK G1RL

TG: yeah I’m feeling it

TG:just fuck im sorry

TG: I'll do it I think im pretty damn searious about him

AA: d0nt f0rce it i can explain it t0 him if y0u dont want to

GC: NO SH3 W1LL H4T3M4RRY MR APPLEBERRY BLAST

GC: SH3 S41D TH3 WORDS

AA: yeah and didnt kn0w what they meant

GC: 1T D03SNT M4TT3R

AA: yes it d0es! this isn't alternia Terezi!

GC: 1 1 DONT C4R3

AA: we will c0ntinue this later

AA: r0xy what w0uld you like to d0?

TG: I want to like

TG: I want him but like

AA: all these h0t pe0ple and n0t en0ugh quads?

TG: not really it

TG: more like

TG: there’s not enough room in them?

TG: and like some sre more of a ‘what will it be like w/ this person’

TG: and I dont want them in my quads but I do want them in my bed?

GC: *G4SP* YOU H4RLOT >;]

AA: n0t really helping terezi

TG: yeah it is sort of scandalous

GC:TH3 T4ST13ST SORT OF SC4ND4LOUS

AA: terezi c0me 0n y0ur getting 0ff t0pic

AA: wh0 else w0uld y0u take

AA: if its n0t t00 much prying

TG: meenah maybe?

TG: eri, but my feelings for him r reel weird so nvm

TG: latula

TG: for fucks sake I’d take soleux red if he wanted!

TG: I just want him

AA: my my

GC: 1M T3LL1NG

TG: tz please dont my god no dont do it

AA: terezi I will flip black f0r y0u s0 hard if y0u d0 that

GC:H4H4H4H4

GC:1S TH4T 4 PROM1S3?

GC: >;]

GC: > ;]

GC:>;]

TG: Terezi please

TG: I’ll do anything

AA: d0nt say that t0 her

GC: 4NYTH1NG?

TG: yes dont tell him any of this I’ll talk to him

TG: I swear

GC: OK4Y

AA: y0u just made a deal with a devil

GC: *TH3 D3V1L

AA: Terezi I need t0 talk t0 Roxy al0ne f0r a bit

 

AA has blocked GC from the memo!

 

AA: 0kay hun

AA: what ab0ut red?

TG: must yoooouu ask thiiis

AA: yeah

TG: youre krillin me

AA: 0h p00

TG: okay whale

TG: you know neppy and feffy are at the top

TG: and then Horrus he’s so cute and broken and damnn have you seen that boys jawline?

TG: Sollux he is probs more like 2 but that might be me indulging his quirk

TG: karkat

TG: uh

TG: and thats everyone

TG: yep that is it

AA: n0 its n0t

TG: yeah it is

AA: what ab0ut Jane and Jade and Cr0nus and

TG: shut uuuuppp

TG: fine if you must know

TG: you are indeed on that list

AA: s0 h0w d0 feferi and nepeta feel ab0ut this?

TG: I am not talkin 2 u aboat dis

AA: haha why n0t?

TG: ur meeeean

AA:n0 im n0t

TG:yes

AA: no

 

roxy had turn on the voice recognition a while ago shes very surprised her computer is getting what she says. so when Aradia's responding no comes through the answer is something like:

 

TG:agahgadvegfjwhofbugvb AA gfdetfyuhujkkkkkaaaaaaaa

AA: y0u have v0ice rec 0n d0nt y0u?

TG:yeahhg

AA: y0u d0rk

TG shudup

AA: talk t0 s0llux n0w 0kay

TG: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

AA: haha cute

 

AA is now an idle troll!

 

TG: you butt milk! aaahhhh fuck

  
  


TG: dirk if I dont message you in 10 go kick captor booty

TT: which one?

TG: ass

TT: one sollux on your plate in 15

  
  


TG: hey

TA: 2up

TG: uh so

TA: 2o ii wa2 thiinkiing that maybe

TG: yeah

TA: we could try that date agaiin

TA: actually go out

TA: actually have 2ex

TA: I explaiin two you ju2t how iimportant that poem wa2

TA: maybe 2ay the whole thiing two you

TA: are you even there

TG: fuck yeah I’m still here just dumbfounded at how youre still some how not mad or anything

TA: you were ju2t doiing what you thought wa2 goiing to help

TA: and iit diid a2 you know

TA: a2 TZ and AA know

TA: and iif they giive you more shiit iil blow up some other shiit

TG: romantic

TA: you bet your 2quiishy human a22

TG: its not squishy!

TA: iin a good way

TG: decidedly not black conversation

TA: iim feeliing deciidedly not black about you riight now

TG:oh

TA: ye2 youre very reactiive

TA: u2ed two you beiing proactiive

TA: what2 up

TG: emotion overload today

TG: im sorta confused

TG: cuz I didnt think that like you could

TG: feel not black for me?

TG: and so I’m a little stunned

TG: and happy

TA: awe2ome

TA: waiit FF and NP already have your heart dont they

TG: yeah but like

TA: liike what RX

TG: I dont know

TA: okay 2o from what ii can tell you want me

TA: red or black

TA: but riight now black ii2 ea2iier

TA: but that2 not really all you want

TG: no

TG: but its weird like

TG: you an me have like fairytale black chemistry

TG: ya kno

TG: but I also feel this sorta pale squishy ‘oh my gods sollux dont do that you dumbass’

TG followed by ‘fuck let me fix it’ then ‘now let me show you how to do it right’

TG: I cant tell if its pale or black or like both?

TA: oh 2hiit

TA: 2o iis black okay for now

TG: black is good as long as me being squishy with you is okay

TA: iid expect nothiing less

TG: HAHA!

TG: <3<

TA: you dork

TA: <3<

TG: anywaves

TA: ye2

TG: how do you feel about dirk

TA: not goiing there

TG: hey okay no prob

TG: just trying to make sure theres at least one suitor per quad for dirky

TA: cant he just borrow 2ome of your2?

TG: very funny

TG: I just need one red for dirk

TA: who2e goiing iin for black

TG: EQ

TA: ew

TG: yeah

TA: 2o you know you have two fiight the2s guy2

TG: yeah

TA: talk two NP or ML

TG: ML?   
TA: Meuliin

TG: ah okay

TA: but about that date

TG: tomorrow 4?

TA: 2hore

TG: hehe

TA: 2hut up

 

TA has blocked TG!

 

“you brat!” roxy screams at her computer”aaaaaaaaaaaaaa”

 

“) (---EY B----EAC) ( PICK UP YOUR S) (----ELL P) (ON----E,T---E---EH----E--E” her phone goes off that actually the ringtone for Nep.she flips her comforter, her phone smacks up against the wall

“there you are!”she snatches up her phone.

 

“nep watzup”

“me you shipping chart 30 meownets”

“sounds chill, fef coming”

“nah shes helping with the flowers, apurrently time and space werent enough”

“whale yeah to make them nice and stuff, make them the right colors and shit”

“sea mew in a bit”

 

TT: its been ten and a quarter minutes

TG: we’re chill bro

TG:got another date @ 4 tomorrow

TG: got a date with nep in 30

TT: good

TT: <>

TG:<>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might be the last one for awhile, or I could wake up and type 7 more chapters idk.


End file.
